So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
