All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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