the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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