did you get engaged???
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
