I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
