He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
