We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
