So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
