I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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