Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My ass is underappreciated
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
