I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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