After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I could fuck to npr.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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