their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
