apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
