u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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