he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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