Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
