Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
