i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
