my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
