rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
