Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
