Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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