I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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