Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
