hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
