he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
