Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
