Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
