I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
