my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
