Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
