you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
