You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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