Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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