He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
