How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
