so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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