At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
