i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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