Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
