omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
