Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
