We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
