you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
