We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
