Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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