Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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