he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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