you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
