She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
