this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
