I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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