Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
