Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
